Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just want to make out with him forever
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
