You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
