if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize