getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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