YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
