I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
