I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
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I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
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You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life