At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
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should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
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I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.