I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
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Ketchup is God's man juice
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
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Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.