More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...