It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.