How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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