I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
