Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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