I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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