Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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