I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
