The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
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Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
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Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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