I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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