my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
