I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
