TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
