i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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