he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
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just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
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Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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