Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
