how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize