I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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