my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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