This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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