you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
