Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
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