Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
