I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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