Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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