I didn't shave. On purpose
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
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and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
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When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
All I want is dick and wine.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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