New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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