you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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