And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I love having hate sex.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize