You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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