I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
