Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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