So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
