what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I take back everything I said about communal showers
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
and you fell through a lawn chair
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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