you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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