You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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