what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I love how my cats smell like pot.
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Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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