doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
