She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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