saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
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