Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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