mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
