just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
