shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
