you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize